I leave the Joint parking lot the envy of every man in the place, and rather pleased with myself. Hit the pavement fast, and loving the fresh night air. I'm in 5th flying down a fat one-way, hitting potholes and making bits of air with my rattling mess, when I see the unmistakabale glow of the local PD ahead, and subsequently decide to cheese the speed. No matter, as we pass the pig's got some goat pulled over and arguing in some foreign language. I feel pretty safe at this point, and then the bike dies. Right in front of the pig and his goat.

My beauty gets off, I toss my jacket and pull a screwdriver, hoping to get Murph up and going FAST. Airbox, off. Carbs, off. Electrical box lid, off. Fuse? Fine. WTF? Nothing is wrong. I don't get it, no power. Could the battery have died for some dumbass reason? The only light I have to work by is the revolving glare of blue, then red, then blue....

My score decides to take a walk around the funeral home grounds as I stammer for the source, eventually finding nothing, trying all the while to appear sober to the leering officer. Turns out I'm a loser, and have to push it home. Uphill. Over the highway. Past the mexican gang bangers. After about 20 minutes I decide to take a much deserved break at a late night mexican diner a friend works at.

As I walk in the door, flustered, heart pounding, angry and drunk as sin, who should be standing there with 4 buddies but my worst enemy. I fight this guy on a weekly basis, and have never lost once. I've broken his nose 5 times. But he refuses to give up. He's missing a fucking ear, eventually you think he'd get a clue. In my most Bruce Willis moment, without hesitation or consideration, I head butt the fuck and knee him in the groin. No one says shit. I continue to walk past into the restaurant as he crumbles to the floor. I move on in hopes that my friend is working, and maybe her boyfriend would be there too. A big mean skinhead.

I keep my back to the group and the bleeding moron, figuring the dismissal might work. No one is working I know, but the waitresses know me. And they hate me. My cel rings, and my roomate who I was riding with tells me he saw the fuckers out front as I pushed Murph over the overpass. He switched to a cage and is pulling up front with bats. "I'm walking out in 2 seconds." "Bet."

Having just been inspired by "Gangs of New York", I pull a switchblade and step into the clear night air ready for battle, but the enemy is nowhere to be seen! My chop, dead, sitting at the curb, without damage! WTF? Did they retreat? Their 4 against my 1? No way... can't be. They must be getting something. Someones. So I toss Kla back the other bat and decide to hide the scoot.

I ditch it next to a dorm at an art college praying that the stupid kids won't fuck with it, but the street isn't safe for storage in enemy territory. You see, they know what I ride now. I can barely sleep and I'm gritting my teeth worrying that there is a tribe of border jumpers destroying my scoot, asd I lie too tired and drunk to finish the trek.

The next day I trudge back, ready to push it home, armed to the teeth.

Figure I should do a sober inspection before just giving in and destroying my back. Turns out the positive lead came loose. A trip to home depot and one big hex wrench later and I'm back on 2 wheels.

Mad Daego

* Slick's view on what really happened!!!!!!!!!!!*

Daego,,, How much did you have to drink??? You sure it didn't go something more like

On the rare occasions that I am fortunate enough to evade my girlfriend's guilt trips and make it out for the evening, I drink heavily. I have found that the consumption of mass amounts of alcohol has a positive affect on me. I become faster, wittier, stronger,and irresistable to the opposite sex.

So I hook up with this ugly girl with a hump on her back, But due to the vast amount of alcohol she looked HOT!!!!

She decides to go to my place because no one else would take her

I leave the parking lot fast,,,, well as fast as a 750 will go with a 350 pound chick on the back.

My bike breaks down... Ok really I'm faking that because the night air sobered be up and I just realized I have a cave troll on the rear fender.

I sent her into the funeral home parking lot to look for "something that fell off the bike"

There was a cop that had someone pulled over. He would have probably given me a ticket but he saw her and was too afraid to come near, in fear that she would come back.

I raced out of there leaving her far behind...

I stopped at a mexican diner on the way home and there was my arch nemesis. and 4 of his friends.. they run a gang called the mexican Midget mafia. I immediatly knee'ed him in the head, because I would have to bend over to far to head butt him.

Thats when I got a call from my friend. He said he had seen someone who looked alot like me with a REALLY FAT chick on a bike that sure looked alot like mine. I raced down the block and hid my bike behind a dumpster and reported it stolen. when my friend showed up I told him that I didn't know what happened to my bike but someone that looks like me with a fetish for fat girls must have stolen it. His reply was "fat girls are one thing, but ugly fat girls are uncalled for!!"

Then I typed this up when I got home so I could have some On-line alibies......

I'M NEVER DRINKING THAT MUCH AGAIN!!!!

Oh and Daego, I think I found a pic of that chick!!!!!!!!

Ok sorry,,, couldn't resist!!!!! LOL!!!!!

Slick